Weight Regain & the Fear that goes along with it...(long) xpost

Thank you for sharing your feelings.  You are not alone.  I have sat on my butt for going on 3 months now.  I have worried every single day about gaining one pound.  I weighed myself everyday making sure I didn12 lbs't get past my point that I had set.  I did fail at it, and I worked hard to lose 12 lbs before surgery.  I did it, then I got home from the hospital, and I had gained 13 in 9 days.  I know that is impossible especially when you are eating hospital food.  Now my scale broke, dead battery. So I sit here scared, what will happen to me.  My dad will bring me anything I want to eat, which is a problem.  That is how he shows his love for me, he never tells me, he just feeds me sweets.  The one saving grace is, I get very sick if I eat too much bad stuff, and my insides really hurt the day after.  I sure understand.

I am so glad that you chose action.  I just have to think about being where I was again and it scares me straight.  I am not even close to being thin, and I am not sure if I am happy about myself yet or not, but I know that I NEVER EVER want to see anything on the scale that starts with a 3.

You have taken a very big step, you have recognized that you still have an eating issue you that you are dealing with it.  When we were bigger, as Monica said, we didn't even care about 5 lbs, but we care now! 

I am here for whatever you need, I know you can defeat boredom!

Love and hugs, Diane

You know Diane...well I love you too!!  And the last 3 months have been HELL for you.  I'm glad to see you posting cause to ME that means you are on the mend!!  Yes those 13lbs had to be fictional, but those hospital fluids will do it EVERY time...so for you it's time to find that battery.  I know there is a swapmeet up the street from me and there's a lady that had EVERY battery...maybe you have one?

So far I am doing GREAT...normally I do great during the week but lately I have "allowed" even my great during the week to run a muck and grab a carb here some crap there.  The last two days tempting BUT I stood strong and will continue to!!  I have my weekend planned and my evenings.  Since I have no man or children I can stay out and come home and pass out, lol!!  In the meantime I'll write about it =)

Blessings to you and continued success

Ms Shell,

I am so grateful you are part of our lives. You are so honest & sincere. I never thought this would be the typ of journey it has become. When I started this journey, the weight fell off and no matter what I put in my mouth, the weight still fell off. Now I am 18mos out of surgery & down 165lbs, but when I get on the scale & see that it is up 5lbs, my mind thinks those 5lbs are really 50lbs. I do understand the boredom eating, nervous eating, avoiding my feelings eating & the I feel so down eating. I, too thought this surgery would be a cure. When your fresh out of surgery, you are ontop of the world. You can do nothing wrong but lose, well there comes a point when that feeling goes away. And the truth is, you can do things wrong, you can slip back into those old nasty habits. Food was always my friend. It was there for me when no one else was. It was my sorta savior. It loved me when no one else did, not even myself. I am happy to say, my thinking has changed. Food is not my friend. It will not make me feel better & it does not love me. I am the only one that can make myself feel better!

I think it is true when you spoke about fear moving you to inaction or action. I am also in fear of weight gain, being the person I was and losing this battle. Yes, it's a battle. Every morning I wake up, I know, I have a battle to face. This batlle will never end, never go away, it might be quiet somedays, but it will always linger there. You are not a failure, because you have not flown the white flag. You may have taken a step back, but that means you'll be taking two giant leaps forward. You know what it takes to get those lbs off and you will do it. In my heart of hearts, I know you are a very strong, positive woman with so much to give the world!

Julie

As they say Julie "One day at a time"  or better yet "one meal"

Michelle,

You know I am your biggest fan, you tell the truth !!!  It is scary because you get the feeling that you are spinning out of control.  I have battled this over and over again.  This journey is work and we have to realize that we are no less an addict than anyone else with an issue.  THANKS SO MUCH FOR KEEPING IT REAL !!!!!

Girlfriend you know my inspiration comes from above!!  I can't get to where you are without looking behind me every know and again.  As they say old habits die hard, but I'll keep attacking right back!!

Thanks Ms Shell & cali crew for posting!!

I think alot of the old timers don't come back here because they don't want to face that fact that they are losing the battle with weight. Just like not wanting to get on the scale. Sometime I feel alone in my struggles to keep the weight off. Because no one wants to talk about it. Just like everyone else I love to eat, and drink!! But I know I can't go back to my old ways. Which is why I spend so much time in the gym and running. Even with all my working out I still have to watch what I eat!!

Just know your not alone in your battle and I plan to fight to the end!!

Take care!!

I know you are right Kevin about some of us old timers.  My reasons for not being here for so long were very involved and somewhat complex in certain areas, but certainly one of those reasons was how much of a failure I felt like having gained back 70 pounds.  70 FREAKEN POUNDS.  I'm ashamed because I was the one in the beginning who was always screaming about lifestyle changes and losing the bad habits and kicking the carb monster.  Talk is cheap.  That is one leason I've learned along with humility and admitting I don't have all the answers and are as fragile as everyone else.

This is so hard.  How do I change a lifetime of bad choices into positive experiences and finally find the strength to make this all work.  To be perfectly honest.  I don't know.  I just have to take this a day at a time and be thankful that I have my health and the opportunity to finally do this thing right.  I have to do it or wind up back at over 450 pounds.  I don't want to go there again and I don't want to see a 300 on the scale again.  I will not let that happen.

So together us oldies but goodies will find our way and maybe, just maybe the newbies will listen and understand and learn from our experiences and missteps. And maybe some of the old timers out there who still lurk (you all know who you are and no one can hurt you here anymore if you don't give them the power to do so) will come forward and tell their stories as well.  We can hope.

Love ya kiddo,
Steph

We are sitting in the same boat Steph.  At 6 years out and a regain of about 60 lbs, there are many days that I feel like a failure. I don't even own a scale because I am afraid to get on it and find out exactly how much I have gained.  I never got close to goal and now I am going in the wrong direction.  I feel like I did when I weighed 400 lbs even though I know I am not.  I stayed away from here for a long time because of the shame of regain.  I came back to get support and try to regain a handle on my eating.  I now am looking into a revision but part of me thinks maybe I will fail that too. 

Kevin as an approaching "oldie" this is exactly WHY I posted...still in my fight my brother =)